CCF News Volume 7 Issue 10

Your Leader in Certified Coach Training

Certified Coaches federation

Knowing yourself:

The key to helping others

There's a phrase I have been hearing quite a lot lately. It almost seems to be a badge of honour, from my perspective, when I hear it. I'll meet somebody and begin a conversation. At some point the question is asked "So, what's new in your life?" I am amazed at how many times I hear this reply, "Well, I've been really busy....stuff you know, family, work, the house. It just never seems to end." I am left with the feeling that I should somehow feel happy for that person, again my perspective, that they are so busy. But I don't feel happy for them and so I ask, in a very coachlike manner, "Well what would your life be like if you weren't so busy?" And then I often hear...."I don't know. What do you mean?"

I love "I don't know" because it usually leads to a place of knowing and uncovering. In my world "I don't know" are three of my favourite words.

If you're so busy that leads me to think that there are a lot of things that you are saying "yes" to...Yes to more work, yes to the school fundraiser, yes to taking the kids to their events, yes to the weekly grocery list, yes to your family when they ask for help, yes to your friends when there's a shoulder required....But if you flip that yes around the next question is "by saying yes to things what are you saying no to?"

That one can be a little more difficult to ponder but please do ponder. Here are some thoughts from my perspective. By saying yes to more work are you saying no to better health? By being to busy at work are you too busy to work out? By saying yes to the school fundraiser are you saying no to time spent at home with the family? By saying yes to taking the kids to their events are you saying no to taking time out for you? By saying yes to your friends and family when asking for help are you saying no to you when help is needed? Totally different perspective.

People tell me it's really hard to say no. Actually it's not. Two letters in the English alphabet, easy to pronounce, one of the easier words to learn as a child. Ever seen a little child have difficulty with the word No? What's hard about "no" is the perception that you carry with it...If I say no people will think "insert your own words here" of me...Here's some stuff I've heard. "If I say no then I won't get the raise." "If I say no then my friends will be mad at me." "If I say no then the kids won't get to their events..."

Here's a question for you: Is that really true or is that the truth for you? If you say no to something is the boss really going to fire you? Are your friends really going to drop you? Are your kids really unable to attend an event? And so what if that does happen? Did you love the job? Were they friends who had your best interests at heart? Could your kids miss one night? The world won't fall apart if you say no.

Learning to say no, the art of "no"ing, is a skill in our world. It's a skill that is essential, in my humble opinion, to you living a life that honours your values and creates a life of integrity for you. If you start practising the art of "no"ing I can guarantee you the doors to "yes" for what you truly want, will begin to open up!

Want to try it? Here's a simple exercise: keep a notebook with you for a week. Whenever you find yourself saying "yes" to something make a note of it, write it down in your notebook. At the end of the week take a look at how many entries you put into that notebook. Now take a few minutes to go over that list: did you have to do all of that stuff? Could somebody else have helped? Was it possible to drop some of it?

Here's the thing: by learning the art of "no"ing you get to start saying yes to things you really love to do....and if you're not sure what they are well, I'd be happy to help you uncover that through some coaching!

Janet Auty-Carlisle

Janet Auty-Carlisle is a lifestyle leadership coach, an author, speaker and drumming workshop facilitator. Janet's company Living la Vida Fearless Coaching Services offers people the freedom and safety to explore the big thing, the elephant, that's standing in the way of their success and the courage to confront and manage that elephant. As Janet says" We're not afraid of elephants."

On the web www.tobeyourbest.net Visit her blog!